The Busy Travel Season

I spend quite a bit of time traveling and that means quite a bit on time on airplanes and in airports.

Here are some tips to help make your travel and in turn MY travel a much more pleasant experience.

The weather is not the airlines fault. If, while checking in, you are told that your flight is delayed because of weather, no amount of whining, pouting or temper tantrums will change these circumstances. The more you raise your voice, threaten legal action or ask loudly, “Do you know who you are dealing with?”, the more stupid you look. When the weather clears you and the other 200 to 200,000 people who have been inconvenienced will be on their way.

This next guy is usually the same one who was yammering at the check-in counter.

Mr. I like to talk really loud on my cell phone.

 Hey, nobody cares what your 2^nd quarter projections are, where you are eating tonight or who is picking you up in Orlando. Pipe the freak down.

Extra moron points go to the cyborgs who now insist on wearing their cell phones on the side of their heads. Please don’t stand right next to me and ask what time it is, then look at me like I’m a jerk for answering because I didn’t know that you had that space age leach thingy attached  to the other side of your face.

The boarding process is fairly easy to understand; disabled and special needs passengers go first, followed by first class, then club members and after that the rest of us board as part of groups, usually, one through six.

Please tell me how the announcement, “At this time we’ll begin boarding special

needs passengers.”, translates to, “EVERYBODY rush the gate and crowd around

so nobody can get through.”?

If you’re in group three calmly wait to hear the announcement, “Group three may now board”. The plane isn’t going to leave with out you, even though it probably should.

Attention mouth breathers, if you’re going to sleep on the plane please bring some

Tic Tacs. When you fall to sleep and your melon drops to the side your gaping mouth is

only about 10 inches from my face and even closer to my protruding nose.

That stinch coming from your pie hole, as my Dad says, could gag a maggot. If you don’t bring Tic Tacs, I’ll drop one of my own in there….AGAIN! That includes you Princess Perfect who can’t figure out the difference between seat A29 and F26.

Finally, when we get to our destination and we go to pick up our bags, I’ve made mine pretty easy to identify, I put a white hair scrunchy on the handle. Many people do the same thing. There is luggage with big red ribbons, some have blue yarn while others have a yellow bandanas, all to make that bag easy to identify to the owner.

If you didn’t put a ribbon, yarn, bandana or some other identifier on YOUR luggage, one didn’t grow there during the plane trip between Dallas and Charlotte. But there he is, Mr. Cyborg, ear thingy, on the phone, talking too loud, mouth breather, picking up every bag that passes by to read the airline tag. He says to no one in particular, “These darn black bags, they all look the same”.

Yeah, except for the big pink scarf you had to move out of the way to read the tag to see that the bag was not yours.

So, this travel season when you come to the airport bring your manners, an extra helping of patience and for goodness sake DO NOT FORGET THE TIC TACS.